#and that family did not like us
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kettlechip-krispy-kreme · 5 months ago
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found out at my cousins wedding some ppl refused to sit next to us at the ceremony bc we looked like vampires
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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karda · 6 months ago
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┐(´ー`)┌
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vaguely-concerned · 29 days ago
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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
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vinelark · 2 months ago
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i’ve seen multiple people say something along the lines of “we’re waking up in the same world we lived in yesterday” which is bleak but also true; there was going to be work to do no matter what. this is the much worse and harder version of that work but even if harris won it would not have fixed the fundamental things that need fixing. i mean, fuck, it would’ve been the better outcome, but the work would still be there. many of the things people fear under trump happened and are happening under biden. we’ll just have more battles to fight.
i think about the progressive mobilization and radicalization that happened 2016-2020; it shouldn’t have to happen like this but we deserve better than a two-party system, and one half of that system was never going to save us. we will always have to do what we can for ourselves and each other 💛
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xxplastic-cubexx · 3 months ago
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Marvel Meow (2021), Nao Fuji | Professor X and Magneto
Bonus:
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#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus leshnerr#snap scans#i dont scan ever please forgive me for. Everything jvAE:KJ i tried my best to match the purple as how it looks in person#i love the purple used for this whole comic .. its really nice#all the comics have different colors its neat yall should check it out if youre able. its a lovely silly collection#BUT GIRL PLEAAAASSSEE IM CRYING#as a part of my Visiting My Family For The Weekend trip my bro and i went to the store#and i told him about the wolverine cat comic and the whole collection and he found it while we were browsing ....#naturally i got it. because i love the idea of cats being heinous freaks ESPECIALLY to my faves#this all did happen because of a cat. btw. phoenix possessed one while scott and jean were baking a cake#which had everyone trying to catch it. leading to. this. jWLRAKJAWRLKJKJ#this is 1000% has 'we'll be back by 8PM please keep the house clean' vibes i'm sobbing LIKE WHERE ARE THEY RETURNING FROM#also can i just say ... i love it when american comic book characters get the manga treatment#idk i just love it ... i esp love how wolverine's drawn in these comics but. this aint about him#i just wanted to gush about my favorite old people LIKE PLEASE CHARLES IS GOING TO HAVE A STROKE I SEE IT#the fact they still got that goofy lil 'welcome back charles and erik' banner im going to be sick. theyre the whole mansions dads#anyway i have an assignment to do. because my prof hates me Who The Fuck Makes An Assignment due At 12:59AM#bye bye hpoefully ill be back with my own doodles ajvlekjla
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just-null · 4 months ago
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HELLO HANTENGU NATION (5 people)
I'VE MADE AN [unofficial] HEIGHT CHART FOR MYSELF
Hantengu: 5"5 (166cm) Sekido: 5"9 (175cm) Karaku: 5"9 (175cm) Urogi: 5"9 (175cm) Aizetsu: 5"9 (174cm) Zohakuten: 5"3 (160cm) Urami: 8"5 (257cm)
[little aftermath under the cut]
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they're so annoying. peace is nonexistent... they're the best ever.
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batcavescolony · 2 months ago
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Ok let's go back to this line from Agatha All Along
"it's underwater! There's a boy. It's a prank. They tricked him. He's gonna drown. it's a bad place. And the people, the family, there's no one to love him! He's got no one!"
Guys we're getting some Tommy lore and it's heart breaking💔 (we knew it would be).
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i-might-be-a-simp · 5 months ago
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Honestly from the beginning there was something so off about Cale who did not even flinch at the sight of corpses, gore and just the overall massacre that was the Whipper Kingdom when he headed there for the first time.
I'm so happy the author didn't pull the "well he transmigrated! he is just kinda tough headed from the beginning" card that i usually see in these types of stories? it always frustrated me because no, a normal person would not be able to see a battlefield and be okay with it, I really like it when there is a reason and its not just an odd characteristic/ plot hole. I kind of brushed over this moment when i first read TCF and it really goes to show how I just gave up in trying to find a reason for things in transmigration manhwas.
So big big props to Yoo Ryeo Han for always being so iconic and making me look out for twists and revelations. The author perfectly used the situation to hint at what kind of life Kim Rok Soo had lived on earth.
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Like this is NOT the face of someone who was a loner reading novels at home. This man has been through SHIT.
{ch69} hehe nice
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theceaselessidiot · 7 months ago
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Eloise Bridgerton being an absolute mood:
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and Cressida's reaction of 'this girl is so weird, but I'm into it??? Wait am I into this??'':
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arachnerd-8-legs · 7 months ago
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really disappointing that bunjywunjy had to be pestered twice just to quietly remove their reblog after using their huge platform to encourage garbage like raving about the lesbian estonian soviet flag and how 'new pride flag just dropped' so people could go 'ooh pretty' about a flag that was forced onto us by ppl who wanted our culture gone and oppressed us for about a century in total if not more.
to say nothing or not show anything of the truth about that flag and quietly remove the reblog felt more like it was done out of obligation (and you didn't agree) rather than care for the subject matter that is still a fresh wound in our country's memory. it's only been 33 years since it ended.
I'd rather you make the mistake about something you didn't know (eastern european history is easy for westeners to overlook, because we're not a big country like them, we're not england or france or spain or germany) and admit/apologize for said mistake or even just outright state that you don't actually care rather than say nothing and quietly remove something so that people would stop talking about it
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aerequets · 1 year ago
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shima-draws · 4 days ago
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Just got back from seeing Sonic 3 and HOOOOOOLY SHIT y’all. Oh my fucking god. OH my god. Ohhhh my g o d
#IT. WAS. PHENOMENAL. PERFECTION. LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR#SPOILERS AHEAD IN THE TAGS BEWARE#They gave us Shadow on a motorcycle. Shadow with a GUN. Shadow flexing by POPPING OFF HIS LIMITER RINGS LIKE A BADASS#AND!!! THE MOST GORGEOUS CREATURE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY GODDAMN LIFE. HOMIE WENT SUPER SHADOW AND HE WAS G L O R I O U S#THE LIGHT FUR…..THE SPARKLES…..THE GLOWINGGGGG!! HE WAS GLOWING!!!!!!#WE GOT LIVE AND LEARN!!!!! WE GOT LIVE AND LEARN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ALSO genuine family bonding? Sonic Team bonding? SONADOW BONDING???#Shadow’s little smiles during the flashbacks with Maria MY GOD I WAS GOING TO BLOW UP.#Shadow did the Akira slide on his bike and I said repeatedly under my breath I’m not a furry I’m not a furry I’m NOT a furry#I’M NOT I SWEAR#I’M JUST A HARDCORE SHADOW GIRLIE#Homie had me swooning tho I WILL NOT LIE!!!#I felt so bad for my friends I was probably insufferable for the entire film I tried SO hard to reign my fangirling back#I squealed and stimmed a LOT. SORRY Y’ALL THE AUTISM LEAPT OUT. THAT WAS BEYOND MY CONTROL#OH AND THE END?????? METAL SONIC??? A M Y??????#I KNEW they were gonna tease Amy I had a feeling#Also also it was so funny as we were walking out of the theater this guy was like ‘TAKE THAT OBAMA!!!’ and waited for an answer#And then he was like okay nobody got that. But then I said ‘I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT!!’ and he started CHEERING LMAOOO#That movie was a religious experience. For ME. I feel like I’ve ascended to heaven#I’m so. Fucking happy right now I’m SO happy it was so good I’m going to cry#I love you Shadow the Hedgehog I love you Sonic the Hedgehog I’m going to break apart literally right now#Also one more BIG thing but I’m putting that in a separate post. Hold on.#Shima speaks#Sonic 3#Sonic#Sonic the Hedgehog#Sonic movie 3#Sonic spoilers
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box-dwelling · 1 month ago
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Baldurs gate 3 is very funny in that it brings together a group of people who under most circumstances would consider themselves a found family but just so happens to have populated the group with soley people who would be vehemently against calling it that
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vaguely-concerned · 12 days ago
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can you even imagine what a fucking horror show the early game is from spite's perspective, though. not only is this funky forcibly severed little slip of the fade having to deal with the reverse cosmic horror of physical reality as perceived by a spirit and being trapped in it against its will -- existentially confused and disoriented and hurting and nothing makes any kind of sense, at the mercy of human cruelty at its most deliberately sadistic. and then the one source of comfort and compassion and some kind of safety and clarity that lucanis surely must have been to him in the ossuary despite everything just goes and shuts himself in his room inside with a seemingly passive aggressive number of locks between them and no explanation and won't speak to him and they're STILL in the fucking ossuary. rook came and found them and they could be free now (rook is here!) and still lucanis keeps them in the ossuary even though he PROMISED he promised they'd get out of there together!!! what the fuck DO you think at that point? like did he trick me that whole time??? he wasn't like zara before, so why is he doing this to me now? why isn't he saying anything? 'he won't move. I can't reach him'. at least in the ossuary they had a deal, a goal, a hope -- each other. at least he wasn't entirely alone, before.
this poor poor poor little spite spirit really was ferried into the real world like 'hey welcome to reality! as your first introduction to it you're first getting horrifically tortured and then getting to vicariously experience one of THE most distressing and harrowing psychological conditions the human brain can cook up for itself (a fully fledged and deeply entrenched freeze response flaring up with catastrophic severity due to an unbroken ongoing and unlikely to let up any time soon chain of Unfortunately... Recent Events). I think spite is being extremely reasonable and patient about the whole thing, when you put it into perspective. I'm not saying let him eat the self-lighting candles or anything, but he's got some extremely valid points along the way lol. spite is not only child-like, the metaphor work going on is a lot more pleasingly flexible and complex than that, but he is also helplessly existentially dependent on lucanis in a way that, if anything, is a heightened version of the way a child (or child part) has to depend on a parent to navigate the world and survive.
tl;dr: we truly don't give enough sympathy to spite for having to live in the head of lucanis dellamorte. a place even lucanis dellamorte would prefer not to be. to be fair to him I think lucanis would be the first person to agree with this lol
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puppetmaster13u · 9 months ago
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Prompt in Memes 6
Let's make it some in-world memes this time :)
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